Weathering the Storm: When Some Days Are Harder Than Others

Some days are better than others but today is not one of those days. Many of us including me only want to share with everyone the positive things going on in our lives like vacations, cute grandchildren, and fun with our loved ones. But today I feel that to truly share this journey with you I need to tell you the whole story the good and bad. Today is the bad.

I am completely exhausted, my pain is only manageable if I do nothing, and my brain feels like it's in a London fog. We are fighting with the insurance company to approve the pain meds I need that would help cover the pain for  a longer period of time but, we are still waiting. My pain is most intense at night and I usually only get 2 to 5 hours of sleep. And last night was one of those two-hour nights. Each night I fall asleep pretty quickly because of all the meds I take but after about an hour or so I wake up due to the pain in my back, legs, shoulders, and bones.

Lack of sleep is not the only thing that contributes to the exhaustion. Some of the symptoms of Leukemia include exhaustion, shortness of breath, headaches, and nausea to name a few. All of which affect sleep and being able to function normally. But, hopefully, with treatment, all of these challenges will be reduced or eliminated. So, when does treatment start?

On Thursday the 16th, for the first time, we met with my hematologist Dr. Paul Shami. He did a physical exam, discussed the cancer in general, and then ordered a bunch of tests. We have another appointment with him on Thursday the 23rd where we should be able to formulate a treatment plan.

To me, the key is to focus on the positive no matter the circumstances. Like the medical advancements that make pain management and treatment even possible. We have running water, electricity, and even garbage pickup. I know these sound so obscure but when things are tough and there is very little to celebrate I try to focus on the little things. 

But no matter the trial I can make it through because of the hope I’ve found in our Savior. It seems I feel closest to him during trials as he carries me close to his bosom while traversing the stormy seas of our lives.

“Life is rich and full and wonderful. It all falls into place if we help it by the way we live.”  (David B. Haight October 1995 General Conference)

It is up to us how we live our lives and the attitude we have. Sometimes we can fall into deep dark holes, like I did, that require professional and spiritual help. But even then we must look for the positive to climb out.

“Also let us remember that through any illness or difficult challenge, there is still much in life to be hopeful about and grateful for. We are infinitely more than our limitations or our afflictions!” (Jeffery R. Holland “Like a Broken Vessel” October 2013)

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