Acquainted with Adversity, Anchored in Hope

Cancer is a devastating word to hear especially when it is about yourself and an overwhelming challenge, but it’s not the only battle we've faced this past seven months.

I touched on this in a previous post, but I wanted to provide more context. I've lived with Bipolar disorder for most of my life and on May 1st, 2024, what was meant to be a routine visit with my psychiatrist, Jamie, took a serious turn. My compassionate and loving wife, Sherrie, told Jamie that I wasn’t doing well. When Jamie asked, “How are you really doing? We are very concerned,” I finally opened up.

I admitted that I was in a bad place, with a plan to sneak out at night and end my life by jumping in front of a train. Jamie immediately made some arrangements and Sherrie took me to the emergency room. My descent into that dark hole was due to my medications losing effectiveness, an abusive boss, feelings of worthlessness, and general life struggles.

I was quickly checked into a psychiatric hospital where I stayed for over a week. The stay was very rough. They changed my medication in an attempt to get me back under control but unfortunately, the medication only made me feel physically ill. Because these facilities are not for long-term treatment and are designed just to get you in a safe location until a good safety plan can be put in place, I was released to the care of my psychiatrist after the brief stay. We tried some different medications to eliminate the physical issues, unfortunately, it took several attempts to find the right one taking over three months. With FMLA running out I felt an urgent need to return to work, though I was still dealing with feeling sick on June 17th, 2024 I returned to work.

People were very welcoming and glad to see me back and that I was doing better. I went to my desk and tried to get back into the swing of things. Just as I was settling in I got a message from my abusive boss that I needed to report to HR’s office. When I arrived my boss and the HR Director were in the room and it felt pretty official. I sat down and they pushed in front of me a document and said “This is a reduction in the workforce so, we are letting you go.” In other words, they had figured out how to do my job without me while I was out so they eliminated my position. I was shocked and didn’t know what to say. They then marched me to my office, had me pack up my things, and walked me to my car. I wasn’t even allowed to say goodbye to my team. I understand procedures need to be followed but I was treated as if I had committed some hanis crime and the only thing missing was a pair of handcuffs. I was still not doing well and this only made things harder.

After I had some time to recover from the shock, I thought I thought I was protected under FMLA. After a bit of research, I learned that it was legal under FMLA rules since they had a legitimate business reason for eliminating the position. They had lost several custodial contracts in my department because the contracted companies moved so the contracts were abruptly ended. This caused a major loss in revenue so they were justified in letting me go. However, it still hurt. I had been there for over four years and through renegotiation I increased some contract revenue by an average of 45% one contract increased by 75%. So, I was a little lost on why they would want to terminate me. But regardless it was time to move on and not let any bitterness poison me so I just let it go. 

To their credit, they gave me a generous severance package so we were okay financially for a little while. The question was what do I do now? I have been self-employed most of my life (business consulting, starting new companies, etc.) but I didn’t focus on one specific industry so I don’t have a clear path forward. But, I figured since I was a Business Operations Director where I was laid off maybe that is the direction I should go. I applied for over 100 jobs and only had 3 interviews where I was one of two candidates left but was not chosen. I was getting very discouraged and running out of money. And then the car required an expensive repair, a burner on the stove stopped working leaving us with only two, the washing machine’s transmission is going out, the drier isn’t drying properly and the drain is clogging in the tub. But read on it gets better.

During this time we found the right medication for me and I  was meeting with my incredible therapist both were having a major positive impact on my life. Also, I had a friend who referred me to a personal coach and he gave me a challenge which I encourage everyone to do. He said to make two lists one of all the things you enjoy doing and the other a list of what you are good at. Now take the lists and cross-reference them. The goal is to find things that match or connect between the two lists. When I did this exercise I realized that I love making a difference in people's lives and am very good at coaching and advising. Ok great, but what career fits that description? I had very few ideas outside of consulting, coaching, or teaching. However, I needed a break from consulting as it has too many financial ups and downs, there is not enough money in coaching and teaching requires education that I didn't have as I had only attended some college. So, I appealed to our Heavenly Father for help. During my praying, pondering, and research the Lord led me to the role of an HR Business Partner. I had never even heard of such a job but after a deep dive, I found that it fit me to a T. So, I began to network and research to learn more about what is required. Without boring you with the details I began working toward a certification that I needed and began some training. 

In the meantime the counseling was going great, the meds were effective and I was exercising twice a day and had lost 20 lbs. I was doing better than I had my entire life. My relationship with our Father in Heaven, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost has never been better. Sherrie and I were also getting closer if that was even possible. In reality, getting laid off was one of the greatest blessings in my life. Unfortunately, just as I was reaching this incredible height, our lives completely changed when Doctor Hobbs said, “You have cancer.” However, had I not reached that great height the diagnosis would have destroyed me.

Oh, how grateful I am for my testimony of a loving Heavenly Father, the Savior, and the Enteral Plan of Salvation so as to leave me with a feeling of Joy regardless of what may happen. I am confident the Lord has a plan for me and as we choose to follow the Savior, everything will work out for our good.  “My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high..” D&C 121:7-8

“Choices matter. Choices based on gospel teachings are steps that lead you closer to your Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Jesus said, “These things have I spoken unto you, … that your joy might be full” (John 15:11). With each step toward Him, you will feel closer to the Spirit and your covenant relationship with God will become stronger.

"But that doesn’t mean the path will be problem-free. And since no one walks a perfectly straight line, constantly check your direction and honor God’s commandments. Keep your covenants with God, and prepare to make more. Covenants connect you to Heavenly Father and the Savior. They increase God’s power in your life and prepare you to receive eternal life.

Of all possible choices, the one that matters most is the choice to follow Jesus Christ. He is the strength of youth. His gospel is the joyful way back to your Heavenly Father.” (Find Joy in Christ, For the Strength of Youth)