Are You Afraid to Die?

 A few nights ago, after being informed that I had metastatic cancer, or in other words, Stage IV Cancer, which in a vast majority of cases is uncurable and eventually fatal, my daughter Merissa and I could not sleep, so we started to discuss the situation. We covered many things about what to plan for if I leave mortality and then she asked me a very pointed question, “Are you afraid to die?” I immediately said to her, “No”. I think she was a little shocked by the quickness of my answer and I knew I needed to explain why.

I told her I was not afraid to die because I felt confident that because I had let the Atonement of Christ have full sway in my life, I had nothing to fear. The Savior has saved me from the throws of sin and with Moroni who said, I will “meet you before the pleasing bar of the great Jehovah, the Eternal Judge of both quick and dead.” (Moroni 10:34) I feel confident before the Judgment Bar of God. I am not perfect, far from it, but I am striving and trying to do as President Nelson encouraged so my fear has been swept away:

“Please do not fear or delay repenting. Satan delights in your misery. Cut it short. Cast his influence out of your life! Start today to experience the joy of putting off the natural man. The Savior loves us always but especially when we repent. He promised that though “the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed … my kindness shall not depart from thee.” (April 2022)

In addition, I feel my confidence in the presence of the Lord has increased because of the changes I have made in my life. “. . . let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distill upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.” (D&C 121:45)

My concern for myself and the life after this one pales in comparison with my concern for my dear sweet eternal companion, Sherrie. My heart is weighed down with worry about her facing this world without me, especially when we just can’t get enough of each other. For over 35 years we have spent every available minute together. Even if it meant just going for a long ride, we wanted to be in each other’s presence. We have been inseparable and soon the veil may stand between us, however, we know we are sealed for eternity and will be together forever. But the time we may be separated will feel like an eternity. But she is incredibly tough and has faced many challenges in her life, though nothing is as hard as this, but I know she can make it through it.

Do we have hope for a miracle that I could be cured? Absolutely! If not, we hope for as much time as we can get together, but we will submit to the Lord’s will and accept whatever the outcome. So again, “Am I afraid to die?” No because of our Savior Jesus Christ and his Atonement for all mankind.