Christmas, Cancer Update and Waiting on the Lord

 My heart is heavy as I sit lost in my thoughts at the breaking of dawn. Though it has been a glorious time of year celebrating the life of the Savior, it has been an emotional roller coaster. The highs of thinking about the Atonement of Christ the lows of the unknown future and the implication of cancer and its impact on our lives. However, we were filled with joy as we gathered with all four of our children, their spouses, six grandchildren, and others to enjoy a wonderful Christmas Eve and Christmas together. We have a fondue and hot pot night tradition on Christmas Eve, and then on Christmas day we eat snacks all day and forgo a big dinner. Unfortunately, we tried a different fondue recipe this year, which was a bust. We couldn’t get the consistency rights so it was just a big lump of melted cheese. We enjoyed watching the grandkids opening their presents and playing together. It was wonderful and took our minds off the health issues.

As for an update on the cancer front, they ran a plethora of blood tests which were somewhat inconclusive and left us with more questions. The PETScan was scheduled for the 27th but the insurance denied it. The goal of the PET Scan is to try to find the original tumor or where else it has spread in my body so they could do an effective biopsy. So instead they are going to do a biopsy on the Tumor on my L4 Virtabrate as it is the largest. Hopefully, this will confirm Cancer or not and possibly the type. The biopsy is scheduled for this Thursday the 29th which means more excruciating waiting. But we feel the support of all your prayers and strength from the Lord. 

Waiting is hard but knowing that God is involved makes it more bearable. I have a testimony that God is in the details, of the details of our lives, and for some purpose that we usually learn later we are allowed to struggle. I love the way that Elder Jeffery R. Holland explains it.

“How long do we wait for relief from hardships that come upon us? What about enduring personal trials while we wait and wait, and help seems so slow in coming? Why the delay when burdens seem more than we can bear?

While asking such questions, we can, if we try, hear another’s cry echoing from a dank, dark prison cell during one of the coldest winters then on record in that locale.

“O God, where art thou?” we hear from the depths of Liberty Jail. “And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place? How long shall thy hand be stayed?” How long, O Lord, how long?

So, we are not the first nor will we be the last to ask such questions when sorrows bear down on us or an ache in our heart goes on and on. 

...So while we work and wait together for the answers to some of our prayers, I offer you my apostolic promise that they are heard and they are answered, though perhaps not at the time or in the way we wanted. But they are always answered at the time and in the way an omniscient and eternally compassionate parent should answer them. My beloved brothers and sisters, please understand that He who never sleeps nor slumbers2 cares for the happiness and ultimate exaltation of His children above all else that a divine being has to do. He is pure love, gloriously personified, and Merciful Father is His name.So while we work and wait together for the answers to some of our prayers, I offer you my apostolic promise that they are heard and they are answered, though perhaps not at the time or in the way we wanted. But they are always answered at the time and in the way an omniscient and eternally compassionate parent should answer them. My beloved brothers and sisters, please understand that He who never sleeps nor slumbers cares for the happiness and ultimate exaltation of His children above all else that a divine being has to do. He is pure love, gloriously personified, and Merciful Father is His name.”

I with Elder Holland know that prayers are answered and it is not what trials we go through but how we go through them that makes all the difference.