Finding Peace: The Comfort of Home and the Hope in Christ

It has been seven days since I have posted anything. It has been an eventful time but exhausting as well. I was discharged from the hospital on February 10th which was over a two-and-a-half weeks hospitalization. When I walked outside the rush of fresh outside cold air was glorious. It was hard to believe I was headed home. They brought Lazo our dog to pick me up and it was fun to see his reaction, he never kisses the face unless you are a baby or under six, So it was special when he licked me all over my face and his tail wagging could have powered a small city. When we headed home, to be honest, I felt like was released from jail, though I had never been. 

Being home is so sweet and comfortable but still has its challenges. For some reason, I am still not getting a good night's sleep. This is nothing new as I have struggled with insomnia most of my life. I even take psychiatric meds to help but I still struggle. We have increased my pain meds in an attempt to get my sleep under control which has helped but still a challenge. Also, being in my bed is a great relief, and being around my family is amazing. Unfortunately, I will be back in the hospital every 21 days for several months. Each stay will be 4-7 days depending on how my body responds and the side effects that it creates. 

One question that many have is how do we track my progress and what is the prognosis. I have many blood tests to measure things like White Blood Cell Count (WBC), Red Blood Cell Count, and others to see how I respond to the Chemo. During Chemo treatment, my WBC will reach a low enough level that I have leukopenia meaning My body's immune system is shut down and I am at risk of catching almost anything. My resistance to infection is basically eliminated so I have to be very careful. I will be in the hospital during this time helping reduce the risk. 

One of the side effects of leukemia and Chemo is fatigue but for me, it has been extreme. I struggle every day just to stay out of bed and even eat. I have difficulty swallowing and I have large chemo sores in my mouth that make it painful to eat as well. In addition, I can only talk for so long before my mouth dries up and I lose my voice. Needless to say, it can be very frustrating. I am not sure how much my leukemia, meds, or chemo are causing these issues but regardless it is exhausting. 

On Friday I had a bone marrow bisposy which is really the only way they can really test my progress. The biopsy can tell them how much cancer is in my bone marrow which determines if I have achieved remission (no cancer cells found). There is a high likelihood that I will achieve remission sometime during treatment usually after the first round, however, treatment must continue in an attempt to prevent it from relapsing, meaning the cancer has returned. Based on my age and other factors there is a 50% chance it will return but if so, intense treatment will continue. If it is still clear, then I enter maintenance treatment which can take 2 - 3 years. If it is still gone by the 5th year then I can be considered cured. So there is a pathway to cure but it is going to take a lot of faith, prayers, and hope in Christ to get there. 

We are staying positive and hopeful that we can achieve remission and get back to a functional life though it will never be the same. 

In a talk by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf "The Infinite Power of Hope" taught;

"Hope is a gift of the Spirit. It is a hope that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the power of His Resurrection, we shall be raised unto life eternal and this because of our faith in the Savior. This kind of hope is both a principle of promise as well as a commandment, and, as with all commandments, we have the responsibility to make it an active part of our lives and overcome the temptation to lose hope. Hope in our Heavenly Father’s merciful plan of happiness leads to peace, mercy, rejoicing, and gladness. The hope of salvation is like a protective helmet; it is the foundation of our faith and an anchor to our souls."

Our hope is in Christ not in the arm of the flesh, Regardless of the pain I go through, the sickness I am experiencing, or the outcome it is the knowledge of the eternal plan and how the Savior fits in that plan that matters. So even if this ends up taking my life, I have no need to fear for Jesus our helper will ever be near. May the Lord bless you with faith in him and hope for a brighter future. You are never alone and if you are questioning anything get on your knees and pray will real internet and he will give you hope.